They might’ve not had their own therapy to help them manage their feelings and not respond reactively. According to Howes, there are several reasons: They might’ve been trained in a specific technique but not in handling this issue.
Unfortunately, when you share your feelings, some therapists may have an insensitive reaction. The state of California, where Howes practices, asks practitioners to distribute this flyer if they suspect inappropriate contact. “Romantic relationships between therapists and clients, even long after therapy has ended, is never an option,” Howes said. In other words, they explore: “Why do you want the therapist, where else have you felt that, and how can you get that in healthy ways, since the therapist isn’t an option?” What Not to Doīoth Howes and Serani underscored that you should never act on your feelings. They also create a plan for meeting as many of these needs in healthy ways. The client grieves that these needs weren’t met and aren’t being met today, he said. They explore why these feelings are so strong right now, and how they relate to the client’s history and current relationship circumstances. Howes also works with clients on understanding the roots of these feelings. “Once the client understands the past history for such yearnings, the romantic or erotic love that is felt diminishes, and eventually leads to insight and change.” Often it’s from pain, trauma or an early loss in childhood, she said. In general, your therapist will help you explore where these desires and feelings come from, Serani said. They can offer supportive and non-judgmental guidance, Howes said. Most therapists are trained in the psychological issues that underlie falling in love, Serani said.
I have some feelings toward you that make me feel uncomfortable.”Ī good therapist will know how to handle the situation. You might start with this statement, he said: “I’d like to talk about us. “Of course, this can be one of the most awkward conversations you’ll ever have, but it could be profoundly healing,” Howes said. Again, as Serani said, this tells your therapist that “something profound is operating beneath the surface of your emotional life - something that needs to be further explored.” Naturally, this is an uncomfortable and anxiety-provoking situation.īut both Howes and Serani stressed the importance of sharing your feelings with your therapist. It’s temping to stop attending therapy altogether. It’s tempting to ignore or dismiss your feelings. As a goodbye gift, he drew a beautiful picture of Serani sitting in a chair in her office.
Years later, he proposed to a fellow artist, and they moved out of state for work. His panic and romantic feelings diminished.
He started understanding and processing this loss. what he was feeling was deeply involved with the panic and the tragedies he’d experienced in his life.”Įventually, he realized that Serani represented the nurturing figure he never had. Over time, they became erotic, and he confessed his love.Īccording to Serani, “It was a serious moment for him and for this therapy, because it was time to help him see that he really didn’t know me to love me. He started bringing in drawings of Serani to their sessions. Serani worked with a young artist who was struggling with extreme panic and worried he’d never find a partner. “You can always return to address the deeper issue later.” Therapists’ Experiences Switching therapists can help you meet your original goals sooner. While your romantic feelings are worth exploring, it can take time and effort, he said. However, there is an exception: You sought therapy for an issue that has nothing to do with relationships, such as finding a career path or fear of flying, said Howes, who pens the blog In Therapy. When clients or clinicians end therapy early, “they miss an opportunity to do some of the most meaningful work therapy can offer.”